How many posts am I going to make about how stressed I am? Hopefully not too many more. I had NO idea how much work it would be to keep the dogs separate, nor did I ever realize that when it was Bubba's turn to be alone in a room that he'd spend the ENTIRE two hours howling. For the past two days, I've devoted no good study time toward passing my NCLEX. Time is getting away from me and I'm even considering rescheduling my exam to a later date because I don't think I will pass at this rate. My neck is sore, my jaw is sore, and I always have a headache. Stress HURTS.
Today, I went to go talk to the Deacon at my church. I guess I was looking for some spiritual guidance with my animals, my marriage (don't worry, it's not in jeopardy), my stress levels... just about everything. I think I was in there for less than five minutes after he asked how things were going in my life before I started bawling my eyes out. I spent the next hour and a half talking and crying about how overwhelmed I am and how I didn't know how to get myself out of this rut that I'm in. Hopefully that won't be the last time he asks me how I'm doing. Maybe a preemptive strike with tissue next time.
I've decided to accept the set back on studying. I'm behind by a good three days. I can't change it. Today I am going to just forget about it, and then start fresh again tomorrow. Maybe I need to consider scheduling study time away from home. It's become apparent that my little sanctuary is no longer that.
If you pray, please send some my way. I need them. I need to relax. I need to manage my stress, and I need to take it one day at a time.
I'm completely out of sorts with my dogs. Before I go on, I just want to let everyone know that I'm venting. I'm not looking for advice, nor do I need to be lectured on what I should have done to prevent the issue. I know what I should have done, and I didn't do it. Now, I am taking the steps to get back on track and that's all that matters.
If you read my blog, you know that I recently introduced a new dog to the family. My Frenchie has been exhibiting some very aggressive behaviors since then, and attacking my other two dogs. He's not fixed and he should have been, and I'm sure that's part of the problem. He has an appointment this coming Saturday to take care of that problem- but, I know that will not be the end of it. He needs behavioral modification.
I've been talking with a couple of trainers, and trying to narrow it down to someone who I think will work best for my family so we can start up with the training here in home a couple times a month as soon as Bubba is recovered and healed from his surgery.
Today, my poor Husky mix has been attacked three times. Now, I have them separated, and with the advice of a trainer am not going to integrate the two back together again until after surgery. I've also purchased another crate so we can get back to crating the Frenchie at all times when no one is home, and in the evening. This dog needs a complete overhaul. My husband and I have probably unknowingly sent signals that his aggressive behavior is ok. It's getting worse, and that's not ok. Someone is going to get hurt. My dogs are not safe at home alone together and that's NOT what I want.
I've got some good advice on how to handle things until I get someone here physically in home. Walking Bubba (The Frenchie) several times a day, short walks to drain his energy. Crating him, keeping him separate and then of course starting with some behavioral modification training for the ENTIRE family is going to be key to restoring order again in my home.
I love my dogs, I'd do anything for them. Rehoming someone is a last resort, no other options kind of option. Until I get to that point I'm 110% in this to get Bubba to stop being such a jerk to everyone. I know that if I put in the effort that things will get better, they have to get better. :(
I think as of late, I have been neglecting my blog because I have been so busy- so stressed- so out of sorts, but the truth is that I really should be writing more because I need some therapeutic relief. Finishing up nursing school and reintegrating back into the world is stressful enough in itself, then add in having to study for NCLEX, gathering documents to apply for grad school, raising a new puppy, some money issues, and then you have a recipe for emotional disaster.
I'm fortunate to have found the group Wives of Faith, and recently put in a prayer request regarding all my crazy issues I've been having and it's been so wonderful to receive emails from people praying for me every day. It's uplifting, and I have needed that lately.
Yesterday was one of the worst days I have had in a long time. I moved my exam date up by a good two weeks, because I feel that I am so close to being ready and I didn't want to drag it out. The sooner the better is what I keep being told. So, sooner it is. Plus, I can always push it back if the day arrives and I don't feel ready yet. So, it's more set in jello than stone.
When I went to APU, I had gone there before I met my husband, and before passing the GI Bill onto your spouse was even an option so I got through it on student loans, grants and scholarships. I have about $30k that I still owe to pay it off. On a monthly basis it's about the cost of a small car payment. So, when I checked the bank account to find out that it had been taken out twice on accident, I was extremely horrified. That really put us into a pickle financially this pay period, and of course, this happens to be one of those long pay periods. *sigh*
Monday, it was raining, my husband works outside on a shooting range. He teaches recruits to shoot during boot camp. So, all day, his iPhone4 with no insurance was sitting in a wet pocket. Needless to say I was a little irritated at his lack of common sense- so all day yesterday, I was trying to figure out how to get him a phone- any phone, because sharing a cell would be incredibly difficult. After a long wasteful day of my time focusing on the phone instead of NCLEX- we got one. It will be here Friday by the end of the day.
Then as if to add icing on the top of my terrible day, my French Bulldog (Bubba) attacks my English Bulldog puppy (Bella), nicks her ear and blood goes everywhere. My house looked like a crime scene. The cut was so small, but because it was on her ear... she was bleeding, and bleeding, and dripping. She's white and the whole left side of her head and upper body was now pinkish red. It looked way worse than it really was. Hopefully she learned her lesson about not trying to steal food from other dogs, and hopefully Bubba will finally figure out that I will not under any circumstances condone his aggressiveness toward her. He spent some time in isolation after that, while I patched up Bella's ear and washed the blood off her.
My saving grace? A new friend I made here in the neighborhood invited me over for wine. I walked a block down the road, had two glasses of wine, and some nice conversation and venting, then made my way home a little less stressed and little more relaxed. This morning I went to my spin class, and I feel almost completely relaxed again, and I'm ready to get to business with my studying.
Happy Hump Day! The weekend is almost here. Thank Goodness!
I got hit by my friend Erin to do this Q&A meme. I'm pretty sure she tagged me because I've been expressing some post nursing school boredom:
The Rules
1. You must post the rules. (and link up who tagged you)
2. Post eleven fun facts about yourself on the blog post.
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you've tagged.
4. Tag however many people you want
5. Let them know you've tagged them!
Erin's Questions for Me
1. What's the best season/holiday for candy? What's your favorite seasonal candy purchase?
Easter. I love peeps, so naturally this would be the best season to obtain them in.
2. Fill in the blank: "If you go down to the woods today, ____________________________."
Bring me back some firewood.
3. What cartoon character has a personality that is closest to yours?
Well, my husband says Wilma from the Flintstones, but I am not sure that's accurate. However, I am far from a cartoon aficionado so I will go with that for the sake of making it easy.
4. TV series box sets - Waste of money, or do you actually watch the episodes again?
I actually watch the episodes again, but now with the invention of NetFlix, I don't really buy any kind of DVD anymore.
5. Tell me about your most memorable road trip!
I seriously hate being in the car for long periods of time- I can't stand it. I get restless, agitated, grumpy... I can't do it. I can't say I've ever been on a true road trip.
6. How do you feel about the statement, "I married my best friend?"
I feel that for me, it's completely accurate. I tell my husband everything, we are very close. When I am down in the dumps and I don't want to talk to anyone, I always want to talk to him. He's pretty awesome.
7. Tell me about the most influential/inspirational hostess you've ever known.
uhhh? I don't get it... LOL
8. If you could only eat at one fast food chain restaurant for the rest of your life, which one would it be?
It has to be a chain? umm... I guess In-N-Out, hands down.
9. Ice cream or froyo?
FROYO!
10. Imagine yourself in the following Snoop Dogg video. What kind of dog would you morph into?
I'd totally morph into a French Bulldog. My little Frenchie is so peculiar that I'd love to see the world through his eyes, even for a day.
11. How are you doing on those new year's resolutions so far?
I'm doing GREAT! But, I didn't really make any resolutions. I decided to live a healthier and more fit lifestyle, and so far I've kept with it.
11 Facts About Me
1. As of late become addicted to Spinning.
2. I've been married for 5 years on May 11 of this year.
3. I own a house in a county that I actually hate living in.
4. If someone told me tomorrow that my husband had to leave the Marine Corps, and we would have to move back home to Los Angeles- I'd have this house packed up in less than 24 hours.
5. I'm deathly afraid of failing the NCLEX
6. I have 3 dogs; Bubba a French Bulldog, Bella an English Bulldog, and Major the resident fluffasaurus.
7. I've been a Scentsy consultant for about three years now. I finally made Director in 2011.
8. I can read, speak and write in Japanese. I'm not fluent, but I can get by.
9. I spend more time of Facebook than anyone I know.
10. I'm Catholic, and I go to mass most Sundays. I grew up in the church, and even though I'm not very vocal about my faith- I am very wholehearted about my beliefs.
11. I hate Pilates, but I go every week because I know it will make me look better eventually.
My Tagged Friends
1. Taryn @ Iron & Wine
2. Ines @ The Few, The Proud, The Wife
3. Alex @ Today is Where my Book Begins
4. Beckie @ Turn for the Nurse
5. Nicole Marie @ Being a Marine Wife
My Questions for Tagged Friends
1. If you could live anywhere in the world, except where you are living now, where would you live?
2. What is your dream job?
3. How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
4. Do you own any Scentsy? If so, what's your favorite Scent?
5. What's your best accomplishment in life up until this point?
6. If you could give $1million to any charity, which one would you give to?
7. Do you believe dogs are people too? (hint: the correct answer is YES!)
8. What do you think of the Honey Badger?
9. Who would you call first, if you won the lottery?
10. Do you wear shoes in the house?
11. Could you live without a computer?
She'll be 3 months old on Jan 25th. Now, before you think I named her Bella because I'm a Twihard, let me correct you. I saw her and thought she was such a beautiful little girl that I had to name her Bella. <3 My boys have been wonderful and are accepting her into the pack quite well. I'm a proud Mama tonight.
On Facebook, from friends, I noticed a lot of ridicule about his faith. I just have one thing to say:
It's a SAD day in America, when a man is ridiculed for practicing his right to religious freedom.
I'm not a bronco's fan, but I do admire the man for continuing to publicly show his faith in God, despite the ridicule he's received.
If you are one of those people, you should be ashamed of yourself for making fun of him. He's not doing anything wrong, and there's no reason why his Christianity should bother you or offend you.
