How about a side of stress with that?

Nothing seems to be going right for me today. or yesterday, or last week. I'm having a really stressful times with things. I'm trying really hard not to loose my mind. I feel so overwhelmed with school, and life in general.

Yesterday I came home to a disgusting amount of flies chilling in the windows in the back of my house, I would say easily about 20-30 flies per window, and that's three windows. I wanted to cry. If you know me, you know how much I hate bugs, any kind of bug. I swatted at the flies and shooed a bunch of them out so that the amount of flies in the house was livable. I thought I had taken care of the problem, but this morning they were all back! I do not know where they are coming from. I had to argue with housing to get me on the pest control list for tomorrow. They wanted me to wait until Monday. I had to explain to them that I didn't want to live with hundreds of flies for the next few days. The girl could not have been more unpleasant. She was very rude. I was almost in tears at the thought of dealing with these pests for four more days.

Yesterday, I also had two quizzes which I did well one, and my dosage calculation re-test, which I passed at 100% like required and my med-pass test out which I failed over something stupid. For the life of me, I could not remember what regular respiration rates were. So, I was deemed unsafe to pass meds. I was supposed to re-test today, but last night I broke a fever, so when I got up this morning I called to reschedule my test out for next week because I didn't want to risk getting worse by forcing myself to go to school. Not to mention, being sick isn't conducive to good performance. So, I can't pass meds this week at clinical.

I just spent ALL day working on a care plan, that I am thinking about re-doing. I am not sure that I am happy with my diagnosis. I am just having a tough time coming up with something. I also feel like, it's probably my fault for not spending enough time with my patient.

I'm just frustrated in general. I'm hating school right now, I'm hating life right now. I'm not even enjoying myself anymore. My stress level is so high, that I'm starting to get headaches on a regular basis. I really need a break, and what's sad is that the semester has just started. I hate nursing school.

Wordless Wednesday

My sister made my day

I'm hot, and I'm sleeping on the couch in the bare minimum amount of clothing, sweating and I hear the little "bink" that my phone makes when I get an email. It's from my sister. She send me some photos of our Papa that were taken during his Army days, circa WWII. I just LOVE them.

My Papa is such an important person in my life, and played a really important role as I was growing up. He's one of the awesomest men I know.  So, I wanted to share these photos, just because of their cool factor. I plan on getting them printed up, and framed and putting them somewhere in my house. Everyone can use a little bit of family history on their walls.

He's the one in the center with the sun glasses

Top Left

second in on the left, sitting with what looks like paper.

Far Right

One-OH-Six!

Yes, it's one hundred and six degrees outside today, coastal, in California. IN OCTOBER! It didn't get this hot all summer. Actually, it never gets this hot so close to the coast. I am not sure what is going on, but I don't like it. I don't have air conditioning, and I have a dog who is sensitive to the heat. It's not really a fun day at my house.

Aside from all that, I should be studying, but it's so hot and sticky that I can't even focus.

Donut Check!

There's only 12% left of this deployment and only a few more days left until I can finally say that my husband will be home this month.  It's been a long road, even though the months haven't been that many, it has just felt like an eternity to me. I am ready to have him home, and for us to get our life back to normal.

Last night, actually, early this morning, thanks to my iphone, my husband woke me up and we had our first Skype conversation of the deployment. It was wonderful. I felt like a little girl again. I hadn't seen his face in about seven months. He looked so strange to me. Not strange in a bad way, but I wasn't used to seeing him anymore. For the past seven months I had been married to a voice on the phone. He looks different, he looks good. Right now,  he's out on a mission and there is a computer lab there with web cams. It's great. I hope he gets to stay there and do more of these with me before the homecoming date.

So, it's finally Sunday. Sunday is the day where I don't study. I don't pick up a book, look at a book or think about  book. It's my one day during the week that is for ME, and when Ben gets home it will be his day. I planned a Nomades party at my house today, some friends are going to come over and we are going to check out some of these cutie patootie charm bracelets. I've been wanting one for  really long time now, and finally I am going to get myself one.

TAG, I'm it.

Inez @ The few, The proud, The Wife has tagged me.

What would be your dream vacation?
Anywhere with my husband would be fine. The last time we actually went somewhere was two years ago, and it wasn't even really a vacation. We drove for the weekend out to Vegas to see Tim & Faith in concert. I'd love to take a trip with him again, anywhere.

What's your favorite book and why?
I don't read books for pleasure. Why? Because I don't have time. I am too busy reading for school all the time.

What's the one thing you could change about your life?
I think the one thing that I wanted to change, I am changing now. When I was in college, I changed my major from Nursing to Business, so I could graduate faster. I always regretted it. I'm now going down the path that I felt I should have pursued back then. I'm a little behind schedule now, but better late than never, right?

What's your most secret pleasure?
Paying someone to clean my house. I do it once and a while during deployments because I hate cleaning, and it's when we have the extra money. When I was working I would have it done twice a month, deployment or not. That was nice. Someday, I will have that again.

What's your favorite meal?
Sushi.

Did you like high school or hate it?
I don't think I remember it... I guess that means I like it. hehe.

What's your fashion sense or style?
Quality over quantity. I like a classic look, and am willing to spend more money on something that will last me years, and not go out of style instead of spending the same amount for cheap clothes that will fall apart in a few washes.

Name one thing that you can't live without that isn't your family or pet.
I can live without anything, if I can't include my family or pets.

Now, I have to come up with my own questions and tag eight (8) that I want to answer the questions:
1. If you could only eat one food item for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
2. What is your greatest accomplishment in life up until this point that it not milspouse related?
3. To iphone or not to iphone, that is the question.
4. If you could be any television character, who would you want to be and why?
5. If they made a movie about your life, what would it be called and what actor would play you?
6. Describe yourself using only three words.
7. What would you do for a Klondike bar?
8. Tell me something that not a lot of people know about you.

1. Taryn @ Mainely-T
2. Allison @ No Star in the Sky
3. Emily @ Shades of Violet
4. Elizabeth @ Haagx5
5. Devil Dog Darling
6.  Goodnight Moon
7.  Katie @ Life Adventures
8.  Sarah @ Life According to Me

MilSpouse Weekly Roundup

It's FRIDAY. That means it's time for the Weekly Roundup!

Please check out Mrs. Muffins to link up.

Happy Friday, only 12% left to go until my husband is HOME!

Self fulfilling prophecy

So, I came, I saw, I failed. Dosage calc test out did not go very well. I have two more chances now to pass before I am given a failure for the whole semester.

Now, by fail my dosage calculation test out, I mean I missed one out of ten. It was required to have a 100% or you fail and you don't pass meds in clinical. So, until I retake it, I am nothing more than a glorfied CNA during clinical. Fantastic. I just love wiping ass.

I'm not so upset that I didn't pass, but more over the reason of why I didn't pass. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that I was disappointed in the instruction given by my school; it was extremely lacking in thoroughness. This is why I failed:

For an NG tube feeding: Jevity 1/4 strength, 6oz. How many mL of formula will you use? and How many mL of water will you use?


I saw this, and I immediately thought WHOA, how the heck do I set that up? What's the dose on hand? The formula we were taught was (Dose needed/ What's on hand) x Quantity = what you need to administer. This problem was missing the dose on hand. So, I raise my hand and I ask the proctor if something is missing, and mention that I never learned this so I'm not sure what to do. She told me that I work it out like any other problem that I was taught to work out... which brough me back to the formula D/H X Q = ?. Nope, not fitting! UGH! Now what? So, I start to think outside the box. I figure I need to convert oz. to mL some how. But, none of the practice problems we were given to prepare for the exam had oz. to mL conversions, so wouldn't you know I could not remember for the life of me what that conversion was and I totally knew at that point, I'd lost any chance of even passing.

Now, I know how to figure this problem out. Next time, I won't fail. I feel stupid because the way to work it out is so simple and makes perfect logical sense. If only I could have remembered that 1oz= 30mL during the test, I probably would have figured out how to solve it on my own.

Reconstitution

So, this morning I was woken up by a wonderful man at 0530. I finally got my call, thank God. I was beginning to fill my mind with distractions of wondering when I would hear from him next. I am happy to say, that I am back on track and motivated to read about the Assessment of the Cardiovascular system.

Half way through my chapter, I realized that tomorrow I have my dosage calculation test out and that yesterday in my pharm class, we were given a "Drug Calculation Practice Exam" to do at home. Hoooray! or not... there's no answer key, so it's completely useless. I don't know if I am doing them correctly at all. I'm really frustrated with the way my school has handled the instruction of dosage calculation.

Med errors account for A LOT of unnecessary deaths in the hospital, and you'd think for something so important as calculating dosage, we would have received a little bit more instruction. Last semester, we were given a packet and told that it was optional to complete. I completed it, but it was mostly on reading labels. It wasn't really anything very mathematical at all. This semester, which started last Wednesday we were told to practice chapters seven through twelve in our dosage calculations text book. I did, and then in class yesterday we were given a very fast lecture of about an hour covering everything we were expected to know about dosage calculations, minus how to work out reconstitution problems. However, tomorrow I am expected to take my test out and pass with a 100% or face the consequences of failure; no passing meds in clinical. I only get three chances to pass my test out with 100%, if I can't do it in three tries, I fail the course. It's just more than a little stressful.

I just can not understand how someone like me, who isn't very strong at mathematics can learn to do something so important such as dosage calculations in a manor that will yield perfect results in the matter of a week with only one hour of instruction. I have been practicing, and practicing, and doing problems over and over again and I am just not confident. I wish we would have been given more instruction. I wish I understood how to calculate reconstitution. I wish, at least, they would have gone over everything that we needed to know.

Today's biggest fear: I am going to flunk out of nursing school because I can't get a 100% on my dosage calculation test out.

Assesment of the Cardiovascular System

Or, not. So, my instructor last semester told us about the 60-10 rule. When you are reading, for every 60 minutes, you should take a 10 minute break. Unless, you are terribly bored with the material, then you read for 10 minutes and take 60 minutes off. Well, I read for about 30 minutes tonight, and I couldn't take it anymore. The Cardiovascular System!! Ughhhhh. Gag me with a spoon. Totally not interesting to me, at all. It pumps blood, blood circulates, tissues perfuse. Tada. Why can't that be all I need to know about it?

Today was an incredibly long day. I had my med/surg lecture this morning, followed by the lab portion where we learned how to do injections of all sorts today, a 30 minute break and then Pharmacology lecture. I am BEAT! I have no more brain capacity to focus on reading that I am not interested in. Furthermore, my mind is occupied with wondering when Ben is going to call home again.

I haven't spoke to him in about four days now, which I know, is not a big deal. BUT, I got spoiled. For the past couple of months he was calling home every day. Last time we talked, we got cut off, and he never called back. When your husband is deployed and the phone disconnects, it leaves you with this horrible empty and unfulfilling feeling that just doesn't go away until they call home again.

I am going to try and re-focus. It's been almost an hour since I last tried reading the dreaded chapter again. I will give myself 10 more minutes, a glass of hot cocoa and then I will need to read again. I just need to get through this chapter, and then move onto more interesting topics. If I didn't think it was so important, I'd just skip it. But, somehow I think the heart is probably something that a nurse needs to know about. Le Sigh.

Wordless Wednesday

A blogworthy Tuesday

Most excitingly, I had my orientation for my clinical site that I will have my med/surg rotation in for the next 13 weeks. The site is underneath four freeway overpasses, and across the street from a strip joint. Side job, anyone? I'm really excited to be starting this semester and to be getting into more "real nursing" type stuff. I will learn injections and finally get to pass meds this semester. To patients, not strippers, in case you were wondering.

Secondly, my battery died today, just as I arrived to my clinical site. It didn't just die, but it DIED. The whole darned thing went bad. I guess that's what happens when you keep a battery in your car that is designed to last for about three years, for five. Luckily, I have Auto Club, and it only cost me $105 for the battery, plus installation. After tax, it only ended up being about $114.

Last, but definitely not least, my friend's boyfriend just came back from a trip to WI. As you can tell from my photo, he went to a Packers game. He asked if there was anything I wanted from his trip, and of course I wanted a cheese hat from Lambo Field. I was so excited when I got home, and my friend had it for me in her trunk. What a way to make a bad day go good! I'm stoked, and yes, I am wearing the cheese as I type this blog. I'm really that excited.

I'm sure over the next couple of days my husband will be reading my blog, see my new hat, and think I have lost my mind. Yes, honey, I am going to wear it during packers games. Even in public. It's the coolest thing since sliced bread cheese.

Also, don't forget to check this out:

Boo to the Ball!!

So last night, for whatever reason, my husband and I got to talking about the Ball. It really irritated me because we got disconnected and so we wasted twenty minutes talking about an event that we don't plan on going to this year. If it were up to me, I would never go to another Marine Corps Ball again. I understand the tradition behind it, however, I don't appreciate the high end price tag associated with it. It's neither fun, nor rewarding to spend $300+ (Gown, Blues maintenance, tickets, parking, hotel) on an event that I just don't enjoy.

First, my husband isn't the type of Marine who makes buddies at work. He doesn't hang out outside of his job with anyone, and because of that, I never meet any spouses that are part of the same command. He's a go to work, come home and forget about it type of guy. So, what usually happens is that neither of us end up really knowing anyone and we just sit there together. Realistically, we could have done the same thing at a nice restaurant without the dress blues, without the gown, without the ridiculous price tag, and without the drunken idiots. Which bring me to my next point.

The Ball seems like it's just an excuse to get drunk. Every Ball that I have gone to, there has been some alcohol related incident. A fight, a scene of some sort, etc... Basically, behavior that is unbecoming of a Marine. Unbecoming of a human being. Something I do not want to watch. If I wanted to watch a bunch of drunken idiots all night, I would just go to a bar. However, I'm not much of a drinker, and I'm not really too thrilled with the effects alcohol has on people, so, no thank you. I will pass.

So, this year, my husband and I are on the same page with the ball. Different reasonings, but we don't want to go. It's not a nice night out for us away from the kids, because we don't have kids. It's not exciting and new, because with nine years into the Corps... it's gotten old. Not to mention that as his rank goes up, the price tag we are charged for tickets goes up.

Bottom line, we are an enlisted family and we can't afford to shell out over $300 for a one night deal. Yea, sure... we could take it out of the savings, but, WHY?! That's our money that we've saved up for either emergencies or vacations. The Marine Corps Ball is neither, so, it doesn't fit into our monthly budget and we will not be going. That is that.

Really DirectTV? WHY?!

My husband is a displaced Packers fan, and I am one by association. Besides, I got tired of routing for a team that looses all the time. My home team sucks. So, GO PACK GO! I like to win once and a while. So, anyway... My husband is finally going to be home during football season. YAY! Football, burgers, beer and Ben! The only problem is that we are on the west coast and the Packers are in the mid-west. They don't really show many Packers' games here in California, unless say they are playing the Chargers or something like that, and that's not until much much later in the season.

So, I went to go look up the NFL package that Direct TV has, thinking that I'd surprise my hubby with it and he'd get to watch the Packers' games on TV, finally. But, nope. Not gonna happen. Why? It's over $300 for the season!! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME?! For a football package?! That's ridiculous. I think we will stick with the usual and continue to head out to a sports bar every now and then for burgers, beer and football.

I just can't wrap my head around spending over $300 on football. It's nuts... Don't get me wrong, I love me some football, but not for that price. I think I can do without for that much. Especially since we are already paying something to the tune of about $100 a month for the service we do have now.

Pharmacology

Is extremely interesting. But, reading the text is extremely tedious. I am usually a quick reader but, this book; it's going to be the death of me. I can read two or three pages before I need to refocus myself and my mind starts wandering. My mind doesn't wander because I am not interested, but more because the material contained in the readings is so heavy. It's definitely not something you can just read lightly.

Furthermore, it's so much chemistry! I am getting my Associate's Degree in Nursing, and at my school, chemistry is not a pre-req. Don't get me wrong, I am not asking to take more classes but, having more of a chemistry back ground would come in handy right about now. The last chemistry class I took was in High School, and I flunked out of it in the first half of the year. That's not so good right now. My other experiences with chemistry is the little bit of chemistry that was required to understand things in my microbiology and physiology classes that I had to take as pre-requisites to the nursing program.

Am I sunk? No. I'm getting it, and I'm tracking, I'm not lost with the class and I am enjoying it, but I can tell it's going to be a loooong semester. It doesn't seem that there really is any easy way to learn pharmacology.

MilSpouse Weekly Roundup

13 days...

13 days left until October gets here. Once that happens, I can say that my husband is coming home this month. I just got a wave of excitement. Maybe it was the coffee, or maybe it is the fact that I've spend 15, 242, 182 seconds without Ben. I'm READY and waiting. I'm so excited that I've been practicing making yummy food for him lately. Today on the menu; chicken cutlet with garlic rapini. I want to make sure that when he gets home, I can make him all his favorite yummy Italian foods again. ahhhh, comfort food. What would we do without you?

So, back to my frivolous post. HOMECOMING! I need a dress, or an outfit, or something. Anything. He's coming home during the week, on a day that I have class. The plan is to speak to my instructor and see if she will make an exception and let me take the exam that is scheduled that day on another day. If not, then I will be attending home coming in burgundy scrubs. I'll be sure if that happens to wear some sexy lingerie underneath.

Who doesn't love a sexy nurse? I wonder if he'll want to play doctor... hehehe.

MilSpouse Friday Fill in

To participate go here.

1. How do you spend your deployment money, do you save, pay off bills, or enjoy the extra money while it is there to buy the things you do not normally have?

Up until this deployment, I had always worked full time. So previously, I would save 100% of his money and just live off my own pay check while he was away. It made for some good cushion in our bank account. Last time I was able to pay of a $20k student loan, and still have money left over for savings. This time around, is a little different though. I am not working, and have started back up with school. I think I've done a little of everything. I went on a trip that I normally wouldn't be able to afford, and I bought a couple things for the house that I wanted. Not needed, but wanted. I also put a significant amount into the savings. I lived on a tight budget the entire time he was gone, so that I could accomplish savings, as well as treating myself from time to time.

2. If you could relive one occasion or moment, what would it be?

Probably the last couple of weeks before my husband left this time around. We had a good time, and really enjoyed ourselves together.

3. What's the worst job you ever had and if it was so bad why did you take it?

The worst job I ever had was working as a Finance Manager for a Volvo dealership. I didn't take it, because I thought it was going to be bad, obviously. I thought it was going to be great. Great pay (which is was. REALLY great pay), flexibility, weekends off. Turns out I was spending the majority of my time there. When I say majority, I mean until two am some mornings, when I started at 9. Then because they needed me, I would go in on weekends. I was also a lot younger than some of the sales people there, and I had trouble getting them to respect my authority. I was about twenty-two or twenty-three when I was doing this job. Men in their 40s or so, didn't want to take me seriously. It was a struggle. I hated it.

4. If you could play any character on TV, who would you be?

You know, this was one of the questions that I was asked during the interview for my internship. I said that I didn't know... I still don't know. I got the internship. :)

5. If you could become the worlds expert in something, what would it be?

Right now, being the world's expert in nursing care would come in extremely handy in nursing school. It sure would make things a lot easier for me.

I survived!

I survived my first day of semester three. I might die this semester. My reading list is ridiculous, my text book are ridiculous. They are just SO HUGE! Easily overwhelming. Clinical Orientation is this coming Tuesday over in BFE. I'm just not thrilled about my clinical site being so incredibly far from my home, nor am I thrilled about being the group who they could find placement for in a hospital group because there wasn't enough spots. So, what did they make due with? A long term care rehab! Yay! I totally got jipped. eh, whatever. I will make the most of it. Hopefully it doesn't put me at a horrible disadvantage from my peers on the hospital med/surg floors.

So, on with more exciting news. I got homecoming dates! I'm so excited. Ben will be home before the end of October comes. This is just wonderful. I always knew his date, because he had told me, but the fact that I got official word makes it just that much more exciting. I have so many things that I want to do when he gets home: Sushi, Catalina, Nucci's, Going to buy him his iphone4, cuddling, watching movies, playing WoW & visiting WI. YAY! Let the excitement begin. I'm beyond excited. It almost makes me forget what a pain in my butt the last few months have been.

So, I guess the title was appropriate two fold. Not only did I survive the first day of school, but I suppose I have survived yet another deployment. I am pretty awesome.

Wordless Wednesday

Back to School

Send away the Marines?

I read this article and I couldn't help but think, WHAT.THE.FUCK?!

Send away the Marines?

Nomades

These are the cutest things I have seen in my life. I want to start a collection so badly, in fact I am working with a consultant now to schedule a party before the end of September. I have been staring at the product online since the deployment started and I finally decided that I must have one.

So, of course I want to get the Marine Corps starter bracelet, the EGA charm, the Camp Pendleton charm, the engineer castle, I wish they had and Embassy Duty charm, I'd want that one too if they did. Oh, I am just so excited! I hope that I get a good turn out so I can earn myself a fancy discount on the product from my party. woo hoo!

STOKED! Awesomeness, here I come.

Update:

Party is scheduled for Sept 26 @ 2pm at my home on Camp Pendleton. If you'd like to attend, and haven't already gotten the facebook invite, leave me a message here with your email and I will send you the info you need to attend.

Get to know you gone?

I'm bummed. No more get to know you Sunday. I was looking forward to it this morning, but I suppose now I will have to move on to real blogging again on Sundays as well.

Yesterday, I had a blast. I went to the Return and Reunion briefing. It was a great time. I got to see some familiar faces and meet some new people. I got a free massage, a free meal, and some good conversation. Everyone is excited to start welcoming the Marines home. Some will be coming home as early as a couple short weeks (not mine, he's last. boo!). The deployment is as good as OVER! Finally! I'm so glad. I've said this so many times here, but this deployment has just been awful for me. I think awful for him too, and if I'm not mistaken I'm definitely not the only one who feels this way. It's been the shortest deployment I've gone through and the worst! So happy it's coming to an end.

Me and a fellow Family Readiness Volunteer (The CO's Wife)

Our fabulous Family Readiness Officer, CO's Wife, & Regimental Chaplain

Last night there was lots of talk about homecoming outfits, and shopping for ball gowns. YIKES! I haven't even begun to think about either one. We won't be attending the ball (not much of a fan of the Ball, shh! don't tell), but I do need a homecoming outfit and I need one quick!! I have no idea what I want. A dress, slacks, a trench coat?? haha. So, I won't be wearing a trench coat, but if I do, I will have nothing under it. Just Kidding!

Tahitian Dance Performance

Taylor & Emily (Some new friends I made during the deployment)

A couple of my silly and awesome friends, Elizabeth and Nicole (Just Kidding!)

After the briefing, I rushed home to another party. My most favorite neighbors are heading over to North Carolina. I've made it clear to them that if the new people move in completely suck, that Ben and I will be heading to Lejune immediately and expect an open house right next door to them so that we can continue being neighbors. One of the things I hate about the Marine Corps; the good byes. They always suck. It's hard not to get attached to people. No matter how much I try, I always get attached. It's hard not to build bonds with people though when you go through the same things together, and you can relate to one another.

So, that's about it for now. I am going to enjoy my last Sunday off before that dreaded Pharmacology and Med/Surg Nursing classes start on Wednesday.

Where were you?

On Sept 11, 2001, when the towers were attacked, I was still sleeping. My grandmother came in screaming that we were being attacked and insisted I turn on the television. I just sat there staring at NYC in shambles. I was in college at the time, got dressed, and went to campus. They shut down campus, so I went home, and watched TV for the rest of the day. Such a dreadful memory. But, I can't seem to forget that morning. It's like it was yesterday.

Do you remember what you were doing that morning?

MilSpouse Friday Fill in #12

It's Friday again. If you'd like to join in the fun, go here.

1. Do you set goals for yourself during deployment? What are some of them?

Usually most of the goals that I set are weight related. A couple years ago when my husband deployed for 13 months, I made it my goal to finish college in that time frame. I did that; had earned a degree before he got home.

2. What would you say to someone dating a military guy or girl?

I would say, to make no mistake about this lifestyle; it's difficult. It can get get frustrating, and lonely at times. There's also a tremendous amount of pride that is associated with being with someone in the military, and lots of good things too, but, often... it's not the easiest life to live. Especially during deployment.s

3. If you have children, do you prepare them to move to a new place?

No kids.

4. Name one hobby that gets you through alone time.

I usually don't have much time to fill with hobbies, but before nursing school, I used to play a lot of World of Warcraft on my free time. I still enjoy playing, but I just don't have the time to play as often anymore.

Not so wordless Wednesday

Oh, well... poop! I had planned this mini-trip home to see my family. Originally, I was going to stay with my grandmother, and then she told me she had a cold and maybe I should say with my Mom instead. She didn't want me to get sick for school, and have to miss out on a clinical. (Good Thinking!) So, then I planned to stay with my Mom and now my Grandma has the FLU! The effing FLU! UGH! So, the whole trip is off now so that she can get better. Mom can take her to the doctor, etc, etc... What an absolute pain! Things like this never happen when it's convenient. I'm bummed. I haven't been home in a couple months. Apparently I made plans with my sister that didn't fit into her schedule too. Oh, the whole thing turned into a mess anyway. I guess it's better to just wipe it and start over anyhow. Now, it's 0724 and I'm awake with nothing to do, and nowhere to go. I hear the Starbucks drive through calling my name.

On a good note: My dog sitter is still coming over to "dog sit" (or, maybe I mean hang out with me).

Wordless Wednesday (on Tuesday)

I will be going out of town for a few days, and have limited internet access. One of my favorite posts to do is for Wordless Wednesday. So, instead of missing out on it, I figure I will do it on Tuesday. So, here I go, we are officially wordless, starting NOW!

It's a battle

Weight loss. I've struggled with it my entire life. It's FRUSTRATING. I've been up and down, up and down. I was never really "unhealthy" because of it until I got into my late 20s. Then my blood pressure started rising, often I would get chest pains, and I wasn't even really that heavy. I mean, I was, but I wasn't over 200lbs.

Since March, I've lost about 18 pounds. I still go up and down. Today I weighed myself and I gained four pounds. I'm dieting, and I'm exercising. Could I have done something differently last week? Sure, I could have. I could have not gone out to eat sushi, and I could have not eaten McDonald's. But, really... I had 3 bad meals, and I worked out five days for 45 minutes each day on my elliptical. I would have thought at worst, I would have just lost nothing... but, to gain. UGH!

I don't make eating badly a habit, I decided that I was on break from school, that I would enjoy myself for a few days, then get back on track. Once and a while, it's ok to veer from being healthy. It's not gonna kill you, in moderation. So, eating crap food once every four months, I figured was within moderation.

This sucks, it's just not fair. Why do some people get to be thin, without even trying. Me? I look at a french fry and I gain 4lbs. (Ok, I didn't look at it, I ate it)

GRRR!!! This really SUCKS! I'm not trying to be skinny for vanity reasons, I just want to be healthy. I want a normal blood pressure, and I want to just be healthy!!!

Getting to know YOU.

1. Do you like seafood?

I LOVE IT, everything but shrimp. I'm allergic.

2. Are mermaids hot?

Sure, I guess so.

3. Have you swam in the ocean?

I have, and I hate the gross sticky, dirty, salty feeling.

4. If you got stung by a jellyfish, would you let a stranger pee on you?

I would. Yet, another reason to stay out of the ocean.

5. Have you ever pee'd in the ocean?

When I was a kid, I'm sure.

6. Can you make a cute fish face? (Show a pic..if you want)

Yep.

7. When you see the lobster tank at the grocery store do you just have this overwhelming urge to set them free or cook them up?

Neither. I love lobster though.

8. Are you afraid of sharks?

Deathly, yet one more reason not to go into the ocean.

I feel like I should be doing something

I know, I am supposed to be relaxing because I am on break. I am. Trust me, but I feel guilty, like I'm doing something wrong. I feel like I should have my nose in a book. Last night I went line dancing at a local country bar with a girlfriend from school, and then today we went to watch college football down in San Diego, with the same girlfriend and some other friends. I had fun, until some drunk Marine decided that he would ask me to show him how to "Guido Fist Pump", basically he was making fun of me because I am Italian. In other words, a racist remark. I didn't really appreciate that too much. He then moved on to insulting my husband, calling him a "POG" (Position other than grunt), which is a type of insult that the infantry guys like to throw around and the non-infantry guys. What bothered me about it is that he doesn't know my husband, and my husband wasn't there to defend himself. Not to mention, my husband is a damn fine Marine, a damn good husband, and a damn good man. That idiot had no right making fun of him, my husband does NOT deserve that. From then on, it was all down hill and we went home. Mr. Fun Killer just ruined the afternoon. Some people just shouldn't drink... some people are "too stupid to live".

On a positive note, I got my schedule for next semester. I'm quite pleased with it. I did not get weekend clinicals, and I will only be on campus two days a week and at a hospital one full day. So, that's just three days of school. I couldn't have asked for better. For one, I get to keep my internship because now I will be able to attend the weekend orientation that is required to participate, AND I get to devote my weekend, at least most of it to Ben. This was so important to me. He's been gone so long, and I'm so busy, and it's not going to slow down. It was so important to me that we at least have a couple of the same days off. Very good news.

All in all, despite the one incident, so far, break has been good to me. Tomorrow I will be at the beach with a friend, just relaxing and enjoying some good company.

MilSpouse Friday Fill in

It's Friday again, Check out this blog to participate.

1. What is a weird, funny superstition that you have?

I'm probably incredibly boring in this department, in that I don't have any weird, funny superstitions. I guess the only thing I do is a catholic thing, and I don't think I'd consider it weird or funny. But, when I want to pray for something, I will light a candle. One of those religious candles. It works, I promise it does.

2. What are your hopes and dreams for AFTER the military?

My hopes and dreams after the military are that we are happy, and my husband is employed in a job that makes him happy. I'm going to be a nurse, so I know that wherever we end up after we are done, I will have a job.

3. Since this month is national apple month, what is your best apple recipe?

I have ZERO here.

4. How long have you gone as a military spouse without talking to your husband during service?

Five weeks, no contact, no nothing.

5. What was significant about your life when you were 17?

Besides the fact that I was a total idiot that thought she knew everything (what 17 year old doesn't, right?), not much. I was getting ready to go off to college, but I guess that's not really that signifiant, considering I dropped out my first time around. It took a couple tries before it stuck. But, I finally got there... B.S. and all. (& no, that doesn't stand for bullshit.)

Grades have posted!

First, I want to thank everyone for putting up with me all semester. I know I was cranky, short on time, and hard to reach sometimes. But, you will be happy to know that it was all worth it. I got a B+ (note the plus, please. I earned it) in Physiology and I got an A in Foundations of Nursing, which is a class that the instructor swore up and down that he's only ever given out one A before. Maybe he was kidding, or maybe not. Either way, I busted my butt all semester and I did good. I'm very proud of myself. So proud that I celebrated with Sushi, a mojito and some green tea ice cream for lunch.

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The next ten days are MINE!

2 down, 4 to go.

I'm up early. So, I suppose I will write a blog. Today is my last final, in my Fundamentals of Nursing class (Fundies). I'm so excited to have this semester behind me. It's been tough, but I think I've done really well. Official grades will come today at 1400 SoCal time. I'm confident and have no doubt that I passed both my courses, and passed with flying colors at that. I work hard, hard enough anyway, and expect nothing less from myself than excellence. Sometimes I can be my own worst enemy in that regard, but dang it, I'm gonna be a darned fine nurse some day if it kills me.

So, I'm thinking of possibly looking into the field of Oncology. Yesterday I joined the Oncology Nursing Society (ONS). I am hoping that through them, I can learn a little bit more about the field, and then when I get to my internship this fall, I am going to try to get a rotation on an oncology floor. I believe that it could be fulfilling, to help people heal and provide medical care and emotional care to cancer patients. In my experience, cancer patients are fighters and I'd really like to be a part of that. I think it could be a really great field. We shall see though, I have heard that most people end up going into something they never thought they'd like. I also have an interest in neurology too, so maybe I will end up that route. We shall see! This is all very exciting.

One year, Four month and an NCLEX to go before I can call myself RN. It's getting closer, and more and more exciting. Look out world, HERE I COME!

Goodbye, August!

February 2009- homecoming (13 months in Iraq)

Finally, September 1 has made it's way to me.

It's a huge milestone in this deployment.

Today, officially I can say

My husband will be home next month.

It's been quite the roller coaster ride.

I've learned to deal with emotions that I didn't know I had.

I've finished 1/3 of nursing school.

I'd like to think that makes me 1/3 of an RN now.

I've dealt with anxiety.

I've dealt with sick dogs.

I've dealt with a broken down chevy.

I've dealt with reuniting with my Dad after 20 years.

I've dealt with the decline of my grandfather's health.

I've had my first clinical experience.

I went to Maine for the first time.

and I had to do it all with out my best friend.

I've made some new friends, some best friends;

Friends that have been instrumental in my survival

during this deployment.

I love them, like sisters, and they know who they are.

It's been an emotional life experience

a good life experience.

I've learned a lot

about myself, about people, about nursing.

But, I'm ready for it to end now.

Honey, I'm waiting.

HURRY UP!

Wordless Wednesday

May 2007